i think my mom watched the whole time
tell your sister to shave her snatch
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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