I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
