I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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