Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
