bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
