I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
