I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
