hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
