I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
