Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
