and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
