She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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