Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
