Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
