well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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