i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
