I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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