Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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