matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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