Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
