how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
