I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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