this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
