perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
