Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
