Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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