just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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