God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
