So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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