I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
