Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
