is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if only i could text you this smell
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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