ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
