Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
