Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
