I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
