Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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