i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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