I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
