Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Never underestimate the power of titties
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