Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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