So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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