My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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