3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Randomize
