who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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