your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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