she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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