Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
