tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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