Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
