u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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