This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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