carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
