just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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