she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
