i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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