I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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