i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
