Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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