what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
