Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
