We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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