you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
